Saturday, December 23, 2006

Christmas Tree and Gifts

Days have reached there shortest time of the year. I also notice in a lot of places that so do peoples tempers.The Holiday spirit seems to have disappeared over the years as I have lived in cities, that the holiday spirit means me first %^$# you.

While living in nature, even by myself I felt more joyful, than having a list of responsibilities to ensure that everyone is happy and festive.

City life is not for me or living around many or any folks. My temper seem to give off solar flares as I am also affected by SAD(Sunlight Affected Disorder) and the wonderful city of Salt Lake City with it's cloudy skies, snow, ice and short dark days, bring the worst out in me. Rather than Christmas Carols it gives way to Christmas Shouting and Arguing every day. I hate (dislike) the situation I am in, but it seems that no matter I am it is the same. I know that it is not just me, a least I hope that I don't cause it every time, every year. But Society and it's money grabbing ways. leave my spiritual disadvantaged, which just keeps the circle going.

I hope that most folks can have a wonderful family supported time but I am just sicked by the arguing, blaming, name calling that follows in my life day in and day out, non stop not just the Hoilday periods, but all the time.

I am just not suited to live around anyone, this must be my karma, if now is live in heaven as Vipassana teaches, I don't want it. But I guess you create your own world, so I must enjoy this(yea right)

I don't think I have had a passable holiday period in over 30+ years. As I said you get what you deserve.

Wish I still had my mountain cabins in Colorado, so I could burn all the coal I get. But my mother stole them from me and sold then so I would not have a place to live. I had borrowed some money and sent it to her, but she said that she had signed a contract to sell the land (15 acres and 3 cabins)and it would cost her $ son's grave So no she sold them, screwed me out my land, would not let any of my friends buy the land and sold it for the first bid at a lower price than she original asked. That why she is dead to me and I never speak to her, I have no idea if she is dead or alive and don't care. See how callous I am? My son's mother blames any thing he does, that she doesn't approve of on me and my teaching him to be all screwed up (it's always my fault, no matter what happens) So while many folks are enjoying themselves, I will sit on the pity me pot.

Happy Hoildays to all and to all a good night.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Time has slowed down so many little things to do but no energy to do them from packing to getting presents wrapped for solstice / Christmas . The furnace
stop blowing out hot air and that is in the process of be trying to be fixed, It sure was not this temperature in Oakland or Death Valley. Snow I can do without including the high speed blowing winds. Oh what joy

But just a short while till I am off to India with my son, who has a cold today.

Slow day, don't really have much to post other than I am still here. Wish I had energy to mail seasonal greetings cards, guess they will be late. But don't think anyone will notice or be upset.

Hopw all is well with you and yours, gregor